Chapter 1: All About How A Dating Service Works
The whole point of joining an online dating agency is to end up meeting women or men, not in cyberspace, but in the real world. So you obviously want to give yourself the best chance you possibly can. We've already talked about the things that you might want to put in your message and some of the things that you ought to try to avoid, but a question we are sometimes asked is whether you should you send a message to all of the men or women using your agency? The short and simple answer is - no!
Of course it depends on how much time you've got to write messages because, as we advised before, you will spoil your chances of meeting women and men online if you produce a standard form message that you send to absolutely everyone. It's usually very easy to spot and usually won't get you a response. Anything that suggests a lack of effort should be avoided at all costs. You need to show that you've read their profile and are interested in meeting them, as an individual, and not just any woman. You can do this by picking a point in their profile and asking something about it. Hopefully we've put you off trying the 'cookie-cutter' approach.
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Nevertheless, it's unreasonable to expect that you will receive a response from everyone you try to make initial contact with. Some profiles will be old, some people may have found a partner, or forgotten to take themselves off the service, and some people just won't like your profile or message and won't respond. It's likely that you may have to send several messages before you get a response. Let's face it, this is no different from the 'real' world - not everyone you ever asked out on a date said 'yes' did they? To give yourself the best chance of meeting someone we think you ought to send around six individually written messages at a time. After all - could you really cope if everyone responded to you? Wait a week or so and if you haven't received any responses then write to another six and so on. If you really struggle to get any responses at all then you might want to re-look at the text of your messages or consider revising your profile. Many people find it very helpful if they can ask a close friend to do a critique of their profile - it's perfectly possible that they may see you differently and much more positively than you see yourself. Perhaps you're giving out the wrong impression?
As you might expect, most men will like nothing more than if a woman writes to him out of the blue, making the initial contact. There is nothing more flattering for a man and you might be surprised just how positive the reaction will be - he wants to be meeting women just like you! Many women follow the time honoured tradition of placing themselves with an internet dating agency and then wait for someone to contact them. True, it is one way of doing it but why not become a bit more proactive and make the first contact? There's nothing wrong in doing it and it means you get to choose who you get in touch with rather than waiting to be chosen! Times have changed!
Next - How dating sites romances differ from meeting someone for 'real'.